Exactly a month late. I’m just glad to be doing it at all, since I still regret the year I skipped. Here we go!
How are you spending your birthday?
In classic grownup mom-of-four form, I went to the dentist in the morning and got a new crown, took the kids to swimming lessons after that, and let David be in charge of dinner and evening things. I’ve come to realize that adults get two kids of birthdays: spoil yourself and go on a trip somewhere birthdays or do pretty normal everyday things plus eat cake birthdays. This year was the latter.
Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) Happier, mostly, because I’m vaccinated and the kids are (as of yesterday) back in school. It feels like my world is full of possibilities again, and that’s nice. But also? I would not be surprised by a clinical depression diagnosis.
b) About the same, as far as I can tell.
c) Richer for sure. Not only have we had a chance to sock away some extra dollars this year, but we got those Biden Bucks rolling in! (But seriously, big fan of the extended child tax credit. I sure hope this becomes a more permanent thing, even if we won’t always qualify.)
What did you do last year that you’ve never done before?
Homeschool my children. I think, given the right circumstances, that could be a viable option for us. But I would need a bigger support system, probably a co-op of some kind, and a more structured curriculum than I used. Which is to say, we are very happy to be back at public school this year.
What was your favorite discovery last year?
How much I enjoy houseplants! I’ve always loved the few I had, but I jumped on that quarantine houseplant bandwagon HARD and have zero regrets. I’m learning so much about different species, how to care for them well and how to propagate them, and am looking forward to experimenting with new plants and new growing methods. I’m a full-blown plant nerd. It’s fine.
What do you hope to learn this coming year?
What I want to be when I grow up. I’ve spent the last decade home with babies, but now I’m only a few years away from having all of them in school. I’d like to seriously start figuring out what I want to do for myself when that time comes.
What would you like to have this year that you didn’t have last year?
Last year I said a pool, and I’m going to say that again. Also more social opportunities. Even for us introverts, it’s been a very lonely year and a half. Also…a housecleaning service? Maybe? After so many months of all of us home, everything is crusty, and the thought of deep cleaning it on my own is overwhelming.
What was your biggest achievement of this year?
Surviving. Seriously. It feels like a really big deal that we’re all still here and mostly unscathed.
What was your biggest failure?
Not documenting things as well as I’d hoped. Even my Instagram posting has slowed way down.
Where did you travel this year?
We went to Flagstaff in November, my parents’ for Thanksgiving, and Carlsbad, CA in the spring. It wasn’t much, but it really helped all of our attitudes to get out of town a few times.
Do you have a destination in mind for next year?
I would LOVE to go out of the country–either somewhere beachy or to Europe–but I imagine our travel will still be pretty limited for a while. Mostly because of kids and school schedules. We’re talking about visiting White Sands in the fall or winter, we’ll probably go down to Tucson at least once, and we have plans to head up to Flagstaff again in a couple months. I’m really hoping to get to Chicago next spring too. A short trip for just David & me would be a dream, no matter where we went. As much as we love our kids and have enjoyed our recent family adventures, we also really love traveling together just the two of us.
What did you get really excited about?
Covid vaccines! What a medical miracle! Now we just need to them approved and available for kids under 12!
What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spending one-on-one time with each of my kids. We were all home all the time and so on top of each other, that was a challenge. And I was tired. And desperate for alone time. I did try to set something up this summer where everyone got some mom time each week, but didn’t really follow through. Alas.
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Yelling. Luke has been going through a really frustrating phase and my patience with him has been stretched to its limit. He yells, I yell…it’s not great. Or helpful. Or even therapeutic. I always feel gross after I yell.
What was the best book you read?
That’s tough! I read a lot this year! How about a few?
Nonfiction: The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi and Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer. Totally different vibes. Both life changing.
Fiction: The House in the Cerulean Sea by T. J. Klune and The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow. These both hit the sweet spot of a little bit of fantasy in the real world, lovely characters being kind in small but important ways, and plenty of escapism.
Poetry: And Still, Birth: Death and New Life in a Pandemic by Adrienne Cardon. This has inspired me in a few ways, and was so deeply relatable with my newborn in a pandemic.
What did you want and get?
A trip to the beach. It was balm to my soul. I only wish we could’ve stayed longer.
What did you want and not get?
A pool. (I’m sensing a theme.) Turns out the desert is great, but I am so much happier in and around water.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More alone time. I’ve been going legitimately crazy with all these people on top of me all the time.
What kept you sane?
My Marco Polo book club, David working from home once a week, and sending the kids to my mother-in-law’s house once a week. Bonus: the occasional @wrongsideoftheroadtrip mini adventure and/or photo shoot.
What political issue stirred you the most?
Manufactured outrage. I just need everyone to calm down, pay attention to the facts and people who are experts in their field, and make rational decisions based on data. All the shouting about made up problems is exhausting.
To be fair, we had an actual attempted coup in January and half the west coast is on fire, so there’s plenty to freak out about. I just wish folks would freak out about real issues (far-right extremism, climate change, the enormous wealth gap, and our broken healthcare system, to name just a few) instead of keeping the news cycle fixated on fringe issues.
We. Are. All. Tired. Can we please stop screaming at each other and actually get some sh*t done to help people?
Did you fall in love?
No. I feel like I’ve made some solid friendships, and I’ve found some new interests, though, which is not nothing.
Who did you miss?
Everyone? It’s funny how you don’t realize you miss seeing the grocery store bagger kid or the random old couple at church until you don’t see them for almost a year.
Did you learn a valuable life lesson this year?
The traditional nuclear family is not enough. Even happily married parents and children who get along well can’t be everything to each other all the time. We just can’t care for our families AND work to provide for their needs AND maintain our homes AND protect our own sanity without help. It’s just…too much.
So it really does take a village. Not just to raise a child, but to be a person. Teachers, crossing guards, maintenance workers, museum docents, babysitters, neighbor kids who mow your lawn, store clerks who make faces at your baby, internet gurus who teach you to get hard water stains off your tile, Twitter mutuals, Instagram friends, college roommates you haven’t seen in years but still check in with every now and then, grandparents, aunts & uncles & cousins, school friends, church friends, work friends, casual acquaintances who you wave at as you walk around the block…we need each other.
All our lives are richer and healthier and easier and more joyful when we let people in.
(All photos by Mikaela Durfee Photography)
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