One of the reasons I was so upset when I thought I’d lost all my blog content was because I didn’t want to lose all the details about my babies. This where I’ve written the most about my pregnancies. This is where their birth stories live. Clearly I need to save hard copies of a lot of that stuff, because I can’t bear the thought of not having those memories written down somewhere.
I’m so grateful Past Jen wrote this post comparing my previous three pregnancies. It’s been over four years since I was pregnant with Ryan, and I have forgotten SO MUCH of what that was like. It’s fun to look back and see what’s the same and what’s different.
So, for more comparison, here’s how this round has gone.
Morning sickness
Pretty minor, really. I don’t remember throwing up at all. And I wasn’t exactly nauseated…I just felt icky most of the time. It started around week 9 and eased up around week 16.
Exhaustion
Oh, how tired I was! A lot of that had to do with constantly feeling sick-ish, but I did not want to do ANYTHING. The kids got pretty independent while I spent most of my first trimester on the couch.
Feeling baby move
This child. He terrifies me, to be honest. I started feeling little flutters around 13 or 14 weeks, which was lovely. Once the movement became more regular, it was wild and weird and EVERYWHERE. I swear he started life as a baby octopus. When I can feel kicks and punches in at least three different places at once, what else am I supposed to assume?
Now that he’s bigger, he’s settled down a bit, although he still tap dances a lot when he’s restless. Lots of quick strong movements in one area at a time. He does not like when I fold in half (sit, bend over, whatever) for too long and will push on my hips. And a couple times he’s punched behind my belly button and I HATE it.
Cravings
Cherry limeades. Red meat. (That one’s not surprising, as my blood work shows I’m a little anemic.) Orange juice. And now…pretty much all the foods. I’ve hit a phase where I could eat almost anything at any time.
Tests & health concerns
Passed my first real glucose test with flying colors. Plus apparently I don’t have HIV or hepatitis or syphilis, so that’s nice. Ha!
However, I’m now firmly in the “advanced maternal age” bracket, so late pregnancy recommendations are more invasive. They suggest I have a full biophysical profile twice a week starting at 36 weeks. Given my health history, that feels excessive, but I understand the concerns. Risk of stillbirth goes way up the older you get.
We’re compromising. I’ll get a BPP at 36 weeks and, if we see anything concerning, maybe once a week after that. More likely, I’ll get another at 38 and 40 weeks. Or maybe just do a nonstress test. I don’t know, other than I don’t want to have to pay for more testing than I actually need. We’ll see how it goes.
Biggest struggle
Here’s a very vulnerable confession: I’ve had a hard time bonding with this baby. Feeling like he’s real. Even remembering I’m pregnant. It’s been weird and a little disociative and I don’t like it.
But I have to remember, I’ve got three other busy big kids. There’s a lot going on, both within our little family and in the world at large. I’ll have plenty of time to get to know this little one. It’s really okay if I haven’t relished every moment of this (probably last) pregnancy.
Also I got REALLY sick right before Christmas. Genuinely thought I was going to die at one point. That was pretty awful at the time. Afterward, though, I was just so happy to be alive that I felt overwhelming gratitude. Everything was wonderful for a while there. I was still weak and tired, but my attitude and mental health were stellar.
Favorite things
The big kids are SO DANG EXCITED about this baby. It’s been adorable. I have an app that updates every Friday to tell us how big the baby is–comparing it to funny animals and foods–and they love checking it each week.
When I was pregnant with Ryan, Mila was barely four and Margot was two, so they don’t really have any memories from that time. This time, hopefully, they’ll remember the experience. If I even think about them meeting the baby, I get all weepy. It’s going to be so sweet. And, full truth, it will be so nice to have helpers this time around instead of a house full of toddlers. I’m confident this will be an easier transition just because of their ages.
It’s going to be an adjustment, though. I’ve made some conscious changes to our schedule in anticipation of that sleepy, snuggly newborn phase. Fewer activities for the kids. No major commitments for a while. It’d be really nice if the baby came during spring break, but since I tend to go late, that’s unlikely. Oh well. We’ll figure it out.
Meanwhile, I’m huge enough that people are starting to feel sorry for me but not huge enough that I’m uncomfortable. Most of the time. I’m sleeping well, which I will never take for granted. I have a decent amount of energy. My body’s not falling apart quite yet. And that nesting instinct has kicked in strong this week, so all I want to do is organize everything.
Like so many aspects of parenthood, I’ll be glad when it’s over and also I’ll miss it when it is.
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