Today I’m continuing my series of marriage “interviews” with a newish bloggy friend Deidre. She recently rebranded her blog Deidre Emme; you should definitely check it out. If you follow me on Instagram (I’m @jenbosen) you may remember Deidre as my piñata twin at the most recent AZ Blogger Meetup. That shot pretty much sums up my feelings about this woman: she’s beautiful, outgoing, creative, friendly, and sooo much fun to be around. She and her husband Adam have a semi-long-distance thing going, which makes for some interesting marital challenges but has also forced them to improve their communication. Deidre explains it best, so I’ll let her tell you all about it.
***
Tell
us a little about your family.
us a little about your family.
Our
family is pretty small and simple. It is Adam and me. That is it. No
pets, no kids… at least not for now. We have been married for two
years. We have lived in Utah, Arizona, and now we are in Idaho. We are
just enjoying being married and taking advantage of the time that we
live together. That sounds weird if you don’t know our story… We only
live together about half of the year. Not because we are fighting or
having issues, but because my husband plays professional baseball. So
how that works… during the off season we are a normal couple that
shares a bed, a house, and all the chores. The off season lasts from
October to March. Then in March is Spring Training so he heads to
Arizona and I come visit and from April to October he is off somewhere
playing minor league baseball… which can put him anywhere from
Southern California to Alabama. It is a nice little surprise and test of
our patience. So I live in Idaho year round where I do events and I
volunteer for the Miss Idaho Organization and then my husband is
basically a gypsy. Cute, right? When we are together we love to explore,
watch shows, make friends, and laugh. When we are apart we like to
Skype, text, and send selfies. We are a normal couple with a scattered
life. But we get a lot more honeymoon phases every year once the
baseball season ends. So that is kind of fun!
family is pretty small and simple. It is Adam and me. That is it. No
pets, no kids… at least not for now. We have been married for two
years. We have lived in Utah, Arizona, and now we are in Idaho. We are
just enjoying being married and taking advantage of the time that we
live together. That sounds weird if you don’t know our story… We only
live together about half of the year. Not because we are fighting or
having issues, but because my husband plays professional baseball. So
how that works… during the off season we are a normal couple that
shares a bed, a house, and all the chores. The off season lasts from
October to March. Then in March is Spring Training so he heads to
Arizona and I come visit and from April to October he is off somewhere
playing minor league baseball… which can put him anywhere from
Southern California to Alabama. It is a nice little surprise and test of
our patience. So I live in Idaho year round where I do events and I
volunteer for the Miss Idaho Organization and then my husband is
basically a gypsy. Cute, right? When we are together we love to explore,
watch shows, make friends, and laugh. When we are apart we like to
Skype, text, and send selfies. We are a normal couple with a scattered
life. But we get a lot more honeymoon phases every year once the
baseball season ends. So that is kind of fun!
What first made you decide Adam was “the one”?
My
husband and I had a rough start to our dating. We met right as I was
fresh off a semi-breakup. I say semi because I was still going on dates
with my ex boyfriend. Weird, right? I don’t know what I was thinking.
But then I was also dating Adam, a kid named Ian, and a kid named Ben. I
was sort of trying to figure out which one I liked and just enjoying
being the free fun spirit again. But Adam got at least 75% of my
attention. Probably more like 90% actually. I really liked him. But he
wanted 100% – I mean, you can’t blame him. He wanted to date. And
finally he got fed up with my lack of full commitment and said he was
done. And I was DEVASTATED. I cancelled all my other dates and told the
other guys I wasn’t interested. Which seems like a strange thing to do
when you get dumped – as much as you can get dumped by someone you
weren’t really dating. But I cancelled them all and spent all my time
thinking about Adam and how I would win him back. And that is when I
knew he could be the one. Because any other time something ended with a
boy I was like “whateva, I will go date other guys!” but this time I was
like “nooooooooo! give me Adam!” And then I officially knew he was the
one when I saw how he treated me – like a queen, he was a total
gentleman – and how cute he was with my nephews. Winning. I wanted to be
wed to him.
husband and I had a rough start to our dating. We met right as I was
fresh off a semi-breakup. I say semi because I was still going on dates
with my ex boyfriend. Weird, right? I don’t know what I was thinking.
But then I was also dating Adam, a kid named Ian, and a kid named Ben. I
was sort of trying to figure out which one I liked and just enjoying
being the free fun spirit again. But Adam got at least 75% of my
attention. Probably more like 90% actually. I really liked him. But he
wanted 100% – I mean, you can’t blame him. He wanted to date. And
finally he got fed up with my lack of full commitment and said he was
done. And I was DEVASTATED. I cancelled all my other dates and told the
other guys I wasn’t interested. Which seems like a strange thing to do
when you get dumped – as much as you can get dumped by someone you
weren’t really dating. But I cancelled them all and spent all my time
thinking about Adam and how I would win him back. And that is when I
knew he could be the one. Because any other time something ended with a
boy I was like “whateva, I will go date other guys!” but this time I was
like “nooooooooo! give me Adam!” And then I officially knew he was the
one when I saw how he treated me – like a queen, he was a total
gentleman – and how cute he was with my nephews. Winning. I wanted to be
wed to him.
Why is he still “the one”?
He
is probably the only person I cannot stay mad or irritated at. Even
when I really want to be frustrated at him for something. All he has to
do is look at me with a funny face and I crack up. He still is a
complete gentleman – he packs my lunches, opens my door, and always
tells me I am beautiful. He puts me before everything else. And he has
the same priorities as me which makes discussions and plans easy. He
always is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing
before bed. Even when he is gone, we talk for two minutes when I wake up
and for hours before lights out. He is a hardworking and dedicated man.
And he is handsome to boot. I married up. And that is why he is still
the one. Because every day is better. Everyday he gets more handsome.
And everyday I fall in love a million times more.
is probably the only person I cannot stay mad or irritated at. Even
when I really want to be frustrated at him for something. All he has to
do is look at me with a funny face and I crack up. He still is a
complete gentleman – he packs my lunches, opens my door, and always
tells me I am beautiful. He puts me before everything else. And he has
the same priorities as me which makes discussions and plans easy. He
always is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing
before bed. Even when he is gone, we talk for two minutes when I wake up
and for hours before lights out. He is a hardworking and dedicated man.
And he is handsome to boot. I married up. And that is why he is still
the one. Because every day is better. Everyday he gets more handsome.
And everyday I fall in love a million times more.
What do you love most about being married in general? What do you love most about your marriage specifically?
Marriage
in general… I love that I always have someone to talk to, that wants
to hear everything. And I love that I always have someone to eat dinner
with. About my marriage specifically? I love the adventure that it is
with the lifestyle we picked. We never know exactly where Adam is going
or what he is doing. There are a lot of risks and adventures involved.
But no matter what is going on – a move to Indiana, a trip to Arizona,
or me needing to get out of a suck-tastic situartion – I can ALWAYS
count on a phone call in the morning and a phone call at night with lots
of texts and photos in between. Our communication always comes first,
and I LOVE that about being married to Adam.
in general… I love that I always have someone to talk to, that wants
to hear everything. And I love that I always have someone to eat dinner
with. About my marriage specifically? I love the adventure that it is
with the lifestyle we picked. We never know exactly where Adam is going
or what he is doing. There are a lot of risks and adventures involved.
But no matter what is going on – a move to Indiana, a trip to Arizona,
or me needing to get out of a suck-tastic situartion – I can ALWAYS
count on a phone call in the morning and a phone call at night with lots
of texts and photos in between. Our communication always comes first,
and I LOVE that about being married to Adam.
What
is one of the most difficult things you’ve had to overcome in your
marriage?
is one of the most difficult things you’ve had to overcome in your
marriage?
One
of the most difficult things? There have been a lot… three months
after we got married I got laid off from my job. That was terrifying. I
made the money and we were newlyweds. It was a test of our faith but my
husband was a gem through it all.
of the most difficult things? There have been a lot… three months
after we got married I got laid off from my job. That was terrifying. I
made the money and we were newlyweds. It was a test of our faith but my
husband was a gem through it all.
Then there was draft Saturday
which was stressful and hard on us. Adam was supposed to go high in the
draft but due to his age and him being married he kept getting pushed
back… the team that initially said they would pick him up around the
10th-13th round took him in the 20th. Which meant small signing bonus.
Adam was discouraged. I bawled and bawled. I felt like he deserved so
much better than that.
which was stressful and hard on us. Adam was supposed to go high in the
draft but due to his age and him being married he kept getting pushed
back… the team that initially said they would pick him up around the
10th-13th round took him in the 20th. Which meant small signing bonus.
Adam was discouraged. I bawled and bawled. I felt like he deserved so
much better than that.
Those were both really hard but worked out. I got
a great job after the layoff and Adam has been taking baseball by storm
and impressing those that doubted his ability. But most recently, the
most difficult thing we had to overcome came from our time apart. We
decided to move to Arizona so we could get more months together during
the year. That meant only 5 months apart rather than 7 or 8. I was all
for it. I found a new job. We found a great place to live. We moved. The
first months were great. Then Adam left for summer ball and it all went
downhill. I cried daily. I hated my job. I didn’t have any friend. I
felt stressed and overwhelmed and like a failure. And in the middle of
all that Adam had a minor injury and had to come home to Arizona for a
month for rehab, and I think he could tell something was not right…
but then he left again and I bottled it all up. I wouldn’t tell Adam
because I didn’t want him to feel bad for leaving. It got to a point
where I was so unhappy I could not handle it. I broke down. I told Adam
everything.
a great job after the layoff and Adam has been taking baseball by storm
and impressing those that doubted his ability. But most recently, the
most difficult thing we had to overcome came from our time apart. We
decided to move to Arizona so we could get more months together during
the year. That meant only 5 months apart rather than 7 or 8. I was all
for it. I found a new job. We found a great place to live. We moved. The
first months were great. Then Adam left for summer ball and it all went
downhill. I cried daily. I hated my job. I didn’t have any friend. I
felt stressed and overwhelmed and like a failure. And in the middle of
all that Adam had a minor injury and had to come home to Arizona for a
month for rehab, and I think he could tell something was not right…
but then he left again and I bottled it all up. I wouldn’t tell Adam
because I didn’t want him to feel bad for leaving. It got to a point
where I was so unhappy I could not handle it. I broke down. I told Adam
everything.
For the next few months we looked for a new job in a place
where I had friends and family close for while he was away and we looked
for a job that treated people with respect. Adam was so wonderful.
Daily conversation and communication about how we were both doing. Me
with my job, Adam with his arm. He told me to pick a place to live where
I could be happy no matter if he was there or not. It was a lot of
trust, open conversation, and faith in the Lord. And after a few months
we are here in Idaho and onto a better lifestyle. It was a great
strength to our marriage and a reminder of what is important. Our
happiness, together.
where I had friends and family close for while he was away and we looked
for a job that treated people with respect. Adam was so wonderful.
Daily conversation and communication about how we were both doing. Me
with my job, Adam with his arm. He told me to pick a place to live where
I could be happy no matter if he was there or not. It was a lot of
trust, open conversation, and faith in the Lord. And after a few months
we are here in Idaho and onto a better lifestyle. It was a great
strength to our marriage and a reminder of what is important. Our
happiness, together.
What kinds of things do you do (or have you done) to strengthen your relationship?
Communication.
We have a deal that we have to tell each other how we are feeling. Even
if it is just sheer frustration because the juicer got the best of us
in the morning. Without the conversation and communication of what is
going on we put those feelings or stress and attitude into regular
conversation and it caused problems. But just talking about it put it
out in the open and we are able to help each other more.
We have a deal that we have to tell each other how we are feeling. Even
if it is just sheer frustration because the juicer got the best of us
in the morning. Without the conversation and communication of what is
going on we put those feelings or stress and attitude into regular
conversation and it caused problems. But just talking about it put it
out in the open and we are able to help each other more.
Another thing
we learned early, early on is to always put the other person’s needs
first. If you are ALWAYS thinking about what your spouse needs, rather
than what you need, you will never have time to think about why your
spouse didn’t do what you needed. Does that make sense? So if I am
thinking about how Adam needs some water and go get it I wont have time
to sit there and think, “Why didn’t Adam get me water?” It builds
service and pure love towards each other.
we learned early, early on is to always put the other person’s needs
first. If you are ALWAYS thinking about what your spouse needs, rather
than what you need, you will never have time to think about why your
spouse didn’t do what you needed. Does that make sense? So if I am
thinking about how Adam needs some water and go get it I wont have time
to sit there and think, “Why didn’t Adam get me water?” It builds
service and pure love towards each other.
If you could give any marital advice, what would it be?
Trust.
Communicate. And laugh. Without those three things, a marriage is just a
relationship. And why spend all that time together for just a
relationship? There needs to be a lot of trust in what the other person
is saying and doing. Trust that they are doing it for the better of the
“us” not the “me”. And trust that it has a real purposes, even if it is
just a great memory, at the end. Communication for all the reasons I
previously stated. Open communication can clear up a lot of issues. And
laughter because you are best friends and you should be able to kick
your heels up and just smile. Plus, it makes things a lot easier when
you can laugh.
Communicate. And laugh. Without those three things, a marriage is just a
relationship. And why spend all that time together for just a
relationship? There needs to be a lot of trust in what the other person
is saying and doing. Trust that they are doing it for the better of the
“us” not the “me”. And trust that it has a real purposes, even if it is
just a great memory, at the end. Communication for all the reasons I
previously stated. Open communication can clear up a lot of issues. And
laughter because you are best friends and you should be able to kick
your heels up and just smile. Plus, it makes things a lot easier when
you can laugh.
And my last piece of advice, the most important part? Go
on dates. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you can stop
courting and spending time together. Set aside a date night every week.
It will strengthen your marriage. I promise. And those date nights will
create memories you will remember forever.
on dates. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you can stop
courting and spending time together. Set aside a date night every week.
It will strengthen your marriage. I promise. And those date nights will
create memories you will remember forever.
***
“I wanted to be wed to him.” Yep. Hilarious way to put it and totally how I felt about David too.
Don’t you just love their great attitudes? Have you faced marital challenges brought on by career choices or being in a new location? How have you dealt with those obstacles?
Thanks again for being here, Deidre! We miss you here and sure hope Idaho is treating you well!
So fun! I friends with Deidre too!!! She is the best!
Melanie @ meandmr.com
I totally agree, Melanie. We are lucky to have that girl around. 🙂
Um. THANK YOU for saying a million nice things about me. I adore you. And I miss you. Idaho is treating me well, but you always treat me best!
Come visit! I will bribe you with chocolate banana bread if necessary. Plus: no snow.
I'm a friend of Deidre and Adams! They are so cute and awesome! Hugs!
I haven't met Adam but with a wife like Deidre he'd have to be pretty awesome. Thanks for stopping by Merilee!