No bloom this week. I just need a minute to talk. Type. Ramble. I haven’t done this in a while. Indulge me.
Mila’s preschool is on fall break, so our schedule has gone entirely out the window. I’ve discovered that I am a much happier mama when I get a little time away from my kids. With Mila at school and Margot napping, I was able to be more productive during the week than I have been in ages. I liked it. I miss it.
I’m pretty sure I will never homeschool our children.
That said, we’ve had some really fun days–feeding ducks at the park, reading and rereading stacks of library books, riding the train at the mall. Margot is at my favorite age so far and is developing this funny, independent, friendly, delightfully unique personality. Mila constantly astonishes me with her creativity and intelligence. The things she builds and the stories she tells leave me speechless…sometimes because I’m laughing so hard! Every now and then I see one or the other of them and simply cannot believe what brilliant and beautiful little people they are becoming.
David has been really busy, working long after I go to bed most nights, but he’s also taken extra care to spend time with me and the girls. He is so willing to put us first and make sacrifices for our family; sometimes he just plain wears himself out on our behalf. As I’ve mentioned before, it’s been a rough year for us and we’ve had some tough conversations, but I feel like we’ve turned a corner. We are both trying harder and our efforts are paying off. I am so lucky to have that man by my side.
I’ve had a lot of interesting opportunities come up lately…or maybe I should say potential opportunities. I feel as though I’ve been presented with a few different paths, and down each of them I see exciting things and difficult decisions. I’m not sure where I want to go yet, but I’m also not sure that matters.
See, I’ve got my girls and I’ve got my David. We have our little life together. Our house is coming together…slowly…and our needs are met. I’ve been able to develop some great friendships in the last couple years, which is something I know my life had been lacking for so long. I feel comfortable with who I am and what I’m doing. I feel settled and content.
Which isn’t to say there isn’t always room for change and growth. I’ve got goals–both those I share on my list and those I keep closer to my heart–and dreams that are too nebulous to become concrete goals just yet. I am well aware of how flawed I am. I still have the crazy brain. I still have worries and doubts and so many insecurities.
The biggest challenge is that I’m not especially motivated to do anything right now. I have lots of ideas buzzing around, but not a lot of interest in putting them into action. Making decisions is too much effort. Of course that sounds ridiculous, but it’s how I feel. I blame October. Everything feels wide open and fresh and now that I’m finally not a hot sweaty mess all the time I just want to lay down and close my eyes and enjoy it for five minutes.
And maybe I will. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Oh girl that's EXACTLY how I feel about stuff!! AMEN! I'm with you 😉