Safe at home…?

A few days ago, my sister- and brother-in-law were victims of a home robbery. Neither of them was home at the time, the thieves didn’t take much (considering what they could have walked away with), and the damage to their home was minimal.

Still, someone broke into their home! Went through their things! Violated their private, personal space!

Needless to say, it’s been a bit traumatic for them.

They keep going over the what ifs: What if we’d been home? What if we’d locked up all our valuables in a safe? What if we didn’t even have some of these things in the first place? What if we’d had a home security system? What if it was someone we know? What if they come back?

He had a hard time sleeping or eating much of anything for a few days. She, understandably, didn’t want to be in the house by herself. Neither of them were sure if they should stay home for a few days to deter the criminals from returning, or stay away just in case the criminals came back.

Shortly after the incident, she commented to me that “maybe this is just one of those things everyone has to experience at some point in their lives.” And my brain recoiled at the thought. Is that the kind of world we live in? Where we should just expect our homes to eventually be invaded, our belongings to be taken by a stranger? If that’s so, how does anyone ever sleep at night, knowing that tomorrow could be that day? Should I feel less secure than I do? Should I be less trusting? Should we just stop locking the doors entirely because, let’s face it, if somebody wants to get in, they will?

David has spent the last few days helping them shore up their home defenses. Placing bars on the larger windows, spaced wide enough that it doesn’t look like a fortress but close enough that an adult would be hard-pressed to squeeze through. Installing etter locks on the back gate and front door. Shopping for a safe. Mostly just helping them feel less helpless. Because, to me, that’s the worst part: you feel like there’s nothing you can do about it.

It’s been a wake up call for all of us. We always laugh at David’s dad for his constant paranoia (the man is convinced that someone is going to steal all the buckets of bolts and stacks of angle iron in his back yard, which seems HIGHLY unlikely…who wants to haul off all that heavy, worthless scrap metal?) but he’s not entirely off the mark. Things do get stolen. Not everyone in this world is trustworthy. We need to be aware of the risks that come with ownership.

Here are some things we’ve learned from this experience or been reminded of, because it can’t hurt to pass the information along:

– Lock up important paperwork in a secure, inconspicuous place that cannot be removed from the house. Small safes can be carried out and easily cut into. Find something that a thief can’t just walk away with.

– Among those papers, keep a list of passwords (so you can change all of them quickly if a laptop with saved passwords is stolen) and serial numbers for big ticket electronics (like computers, televisions, etc.).

– Back up important files to an external hard drive which also lives in that secure, non-removable place. Not all your important information is on paper, and you’d hate to lose tax documents, work projects, and family photos because the only copy was on your long gone computer.

– Keep firearms and ammunition locked up at all times. The last thing you need is a regular old break-in turning into an armed robbery. And don’t talk to me about how if you had easy access to your gun you’d be able to defend yourself. If you have easy access to a weapon, so does the intruder.

– On a related note, gun ownership does not equal zero burglaries. It may help you feel more secure to know it’s there (I know some people like having one as a kind of security blanket) but thieves don’t know which houses have guns in them and which houses don’t.

– Get to know your neighbors. At least know them–and their vehicles–by sight. The more familiar you are with them, the better. They can keep an eye out for you, you can keep an eye out for them, and everyone is safer because of it.

– Remember that your family’s safety is your top priority. It’s better to not have been there at all or to have safely removed yourself from the situation than to have rescued your stuff with your heroics. Homeowner’s insurance can replace the missing TV; life insurance can’t replace a parent, spouse, or child.

– If something like this happens, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. You can’t prevent people from breaking in by not owning a Wii, or by quitting your job and staying home all the time, or by doing or not doing any of a million things. You do the best you can to protect your house, and then you just have to trust that all will be well. Sometimes it’s not. But most of the time it is. And even when it’s not, it is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Have any of you been through something like this? How did you respond? What do you wish others had done to help you cope? What (if anything) do you do differently now because of it? Because while I realize this is a big deal and a tragedy, it could have been so much worse and we should all take a few lessons to heart and be grateful that it went the way it did.

I refuse to live my life in fear.