I’ve been struggling lately. A lot. Teething and sickness and lack of sleep and so forth have compounded to make me feel lost and out of control. I reached a breaking point the other night, crying so hard that I started hyperventilating. My lips went numb. I was physically spent.
It was 4 in the morning. I’d already been awakened at 11 and 1, and by this point I’d been rocking and nursing my sad and needy baby off and on for an hour, praying, “Please. Please. Just please,” simply because I didn’t know what to ask for. I only knew I needed something. At that tingly-lipped moment, though, I realized what I needed was for something–anything–to change. And suddenly a list came into my mind.
Scriptures. Water. Doctor. Yoga. Massage.
Five things that so caught me by surprise that I stopped sobbing. The list rolled through my mind as I pulled myself together enough to blow my nose, give Mila some Orajel for her sore gums, and clean up the mess when she promptly started throwing up. David took over for me and I stumbled off to bed, whispering those five words to calm myself again. For the next couple hours of dreamless sleep, I breathed scriptures water doctor yoga massage scriptures water doctor yoga massage scriptures…
When I woke up, I felt as refreshed as a person can feel after such a night, and while I remembered that moment of clarity, I didn’t quite understand. Why had those words in that order had been spoken so distinctly to my mind? Looking to shed further light on my revelation, I opened my scriptures and read:
Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. (1 Corinthians 3:16-17)
And then it clicked.
Tired and hungry and falling apart or not, I am a temple and can–and should!–have God’s spirit with me. The list was given to me as a way to sanctify my temple, protect it from feeling defiled and prepare it to receive that spirit.
Scriptures. I’ve been doing things backwards. Instead of neglecting my spiritual needs–how am I supposed to remember to read my scriptures if I can scarcely remember to have lunch, after all?–I should be filling them before doing anything else. My body will suffer if I am not whole in spirit.
Water. Next I need to attend to my most basic bodily needs. Drinking enough water. Eating healthy foods, and enough of them. Sleeping.
Doctor. When those two things are in place, I’ll be better able to address a couple health concerns that have recently come up. Maybe they’ll clear up on their own once I’m no longer dehydrated and exhausted. Maybe not. Regardless, I need to check in with a professional to make sure all is well.
Yoga. I also should be doing something to improve my body. That way, when I’m faced with physically taxing times such as this, I will have more stamina and strength to deal with them. I’ve been putting off signing up for a yoga class for months. I finally committed to one yesterday. It’s a small thing, but it’s a start.
Massage. Once I’m spiritually and physically strengthened, I can relax. Let go of the stresses that have been building up for months. Help my body find some peace so I can enjoy the activities and projects and adventures I have planned.
I have been troubled with many things. These five, as my Father in Heaven gently reminded me the other night, are needful. If I’m to survive this motherhood gig, I must choose the better part.
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You know, the temple of God gets a couple weeks off each year to get a carpet shampoo.
I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean…