When I was little—in first grade, maybe, or second—I played soccer for a season. My coach was a horrible woman with green chin hairs. Perhaps they weren’t green, but Tiny Jen remembers them that way, and she was definitely horrible. I’ve never been especially athletic but I was quite the perfectionist. Trying to play and not doing it very well made me miserable. Being yelled at and forced to run laps made it worse.
I hated soccer.
In fourth or fifth grade I played softball. I wore thick glasses by then and lived in perpetual terror that the ball would hit me in the face, breaking them and rendering me mostly blind. When my coach let me play, he stuck me out in right field and we all hoped nobody would hit anything my way.
I hated softball.
In seventh grade I played volleyball. I was getting close to six feet tall by then, so people assumed I’d be a natural. Except they forgot I was gangly and uncoordinated, and that I preferred reading quietly to running drills and having other girls spike volleyballs at my head. Basically I was Ferdinand the Bull. The girls on my team bullied me mercilessly when the coaches weren’t watching.
I hated volleyball.
To my parents’ credit, they encouraged me to try each of these activities but never forced me to continue them. I had to finish out the season—once you commit to a team, you don’t let them down—but I didn’t have to keep going beyond that.
Also to my parents’ credit, they enrolled me in plenty of other activities that I did enjoy.
I took piano lessons consistently through middle school, stopping only because we weren’t able to find a teacher who could really push me beyond what I’d already learned. And I was fine with that; piano was nice but it wasn’t a passion for me. I’ve retained enough to play hymns in church if I practice ahead of time. Plus I can read music well. I’m good with that.
I took private voice lessons around sixth grade. Those pushed me well outside my shy introvert comfort zone (I had to perform memorized pieces in recitals) and gave me a needed confidence boost. I sang in school choirs for years after that, and even took more voice lessons in college. My voice isn’t solo material, but I’ve never had serious dreams of being “a singer” and I much prefer singing in groups anyway.
I took swimming lessons every summer for years, and loved them. Despite never competing on a swim team and being too chicken to jump off the high dive, swimming was always a good experience for me. When I was in high school, I worked as a lifeguard for a couple years; that is still one of my favorite jobs I’ve ever had. I’m far from a strong swimmer these days—I just don’t get enough time in the pool—but the water is my happy place.
I took a handful of dance classes along the way. (Don’t worry: I can still do a mean time step.) I raised a pig for 4-H. I was a cheerleader for a while, believe it or not. I had pets + play dates + plenty of time at the library.
All of which is to say, I had the chance to try a lot of things as a kid. Some went well and others…well…let’s just say I’ve avoided playing volleyball for twenty years.
David and I decided long ago that we want to give our kids the chance to try whatever they want…within reason. So far we’ve set the following ground rules:
- They can only participate in a couple classes/teams at a time. None of this over-scheduled stress for this minivan mom, thanks.
- They have to finish what they start.
So when Mila decided she didn’t like Running Club anymore, I told her too bad. You wanted to participate, so participate. And she did. She was literally the last person across the finish line at her last race and she didn’t even notice. I was so proud of her, I’m beaming just thinking about it. Now that the race season is over, she can decide if she wants to join again next year.
Thus far, in addition to running, she’s taken swimming lessons, and ballet + tap. Margot was in the dance class too and wants to continue. (That stone face of hers up there? She takes her ballet VERY seriously.) Mila opted for gymnastics instead. After her next birthday she’ll be old enough to go to the LEGO and/or STEAM clubs at our city library, which I’ll encourage her to do. We’d like to get her into music, eventually. She’s also mentioned karate and horseback riding. We’ll see.
There are soooooo many more options available than ever crossed my radar when I was a kid. Obviously I want my children to have fun. I also want them to try new things. Get outside their comfort zones. Learn useful skills. And time + money are always a factor; there’s no way we can do everything.
But watching them do some things sure has been fun so far!
I’d love to know: what activities did you do as a kid? If you have kids, what activities have they participated in? And, most importantly, which activities do you think are the best ones? Like, most valuable lessons learned, or best bang for your buck, or just the most fun overall. I’m so curious how other families do this!
Whew, this is a constant balancing act for us! My kids all do piano lessons and swim, both of which I count as life skills, so they’re mandatory. (They’re on the swim team but they just do the workouts–weekly in the winter, daily in summer–not the meets. That’s because I cannot handle swim meets at this point in my life)
Between the older two, in earlier years they did multiple seasons of soccer, T-ball, baseball, flag football, wrestling, and dance. Oh and the older two did chess club which I loved because it taught them how to play and strategize. Right now they’re all doing an after school sports club/class which is just right for me because it’s one hour a week, no games or meets, they all do it together, it’s at the school, and they practice lots of different sports.
Theo also does Cub Scouts, and I wish Ida could do Brownies (I did it as a kid) but our local troop meets at the same time as Activity Days. Aaannnnnd since I’m the Primary president I feel like she needs to do Activity Days… Anywho… Everything they do is just once a week, and it seems like not much, but it is SO MUCH. Plus Theo has various therapies. So far I’ve been able to keep Mondays and Fridays completely clear and that has been the key for me and my sanity.
When I was a kid I did piano lessons and Girls Scouts and that was pretty much it, beyond trying a few things here and there. I felt self-conscious in PE since I was uncoordinated and knew zero about sports, but otherwise I came out OK. Anyway, interesting topic. Homework has also thrown a big wrench into everything as my kids have gotten older. I wish they had less of that. But oh well. We’re here in the world to figure out how to make the best use of our time, so I guess that’s what I’m trying to do!
You totally nailed it: “It seems like not much, but it is SO MUCH.” They’re just going to get busier as they get older, and I’m going to have to figure out how to balance all those schedules with limited time. Right there with you on the music + swimming, though. They’re life skills that I think are necessary. The rest? We’ll just wing it, I guess!
Oh, such a great topic!! This is something I think about a LOT. With our kids, we’ve really tried to prioritize life-long skills–so things like music, swimming, and running/track would take precedence over hockey or something where you need a dedicated facility and team. But it’s also a real struggle to fit everyone’s stuff in and we’ve had some real failures with different spots, and so we kind of took a few years off! Right now the oldest 3 are all in piano, Abigail takes private clarinet lessons and plays in the school band, Juliet does Girls on the Run, and Abigail, Luke, and Isaac are about to start spring softball/baseball. We do swimming lessons every year; I’d really love for them to be in soccer but our soccer program here is CRAZY bc it schedules at different fields all over two cities, so you can have multiple kids playing at the same time at fields that are 25 minutes apart. I just don’t have the energy or ability to do that right now. Abigail did a couple of different dance classes and did not love them, so we haven’t gone back that route even though Juliet would probably love it…I think Juliet and Isaac would really love gymnastics but I also know that my kids are super tall and so is there a point in getting into gymnastics? I don’t know…basically we pour a crapton of money into music and swimming lessons because those are the ones I figure are most likely to come in handy in their adult lives. And we go hiking a lot. I’d really like them to do basketball but all the leagues here have Sunday games, such a bummer. We will never ever ever ever ever ever do football because I’ve seen what that did to my sister’s father-in-law (who played for BYU and then in the NFL).
I don’t think city programs and leagues and stuff even think about parents with multiple children involved in activities. Because seriously, there’s no way you could make soccer work with that arrangement. Boo. It’s nice right now that we can explore lots of options for free or very little cost; Mila’s gymnastics class through the city was maybe $25 for 6 weeks? So even if she never does it again, it was a fun experience and she learned something new. Worth it, in my opinion, even if she never goes to the Olympics. 🙂 Once the other two get older we’ll have to reassess what we can/can’t afford and/or have time for, though. Oldest kids are so lucky that way.
Oh and Scouts/Activity Days. Basically it’s CRAZYTOWN here in the evenings. We have one night a week that is free and that’s only for the next 2 weeks until spring ball starts.
I was forced into piano lessons for a whopping 10 years, my mother was my teacher and it was hellacious. I could FINALLY quit when–in one sitting–my Mom could open the hymn book to 10 hymns of her choice and I had to play them all without mistakes. Then I was deemed “proficient enough” to quit. And only THEN did I start to love playing the piano. Baaah.
I took a year of ballet, a horrible year of soccer, and a couple years of gymnastics which I loved but wasn’t great at. As soon as I got good enough to move up a class I had to quit, we didn’t have the money for the extra days/meets/outfits that the competitive team required. I’m still sad about that. I did join the dive team after that (at age 12), the gymnastics really helped me get my flippy high dive stuff ON, but I only did that for one summer.
Anything else I did I had to pay for myself, so I joined the theater department and worked as a stage manager so I wouldn’t have to pay for costumes or makeup or anything but could still be involved. I also did one year of the rifle line and one year of the marching drum line, which I loved, but, too expensive. Sigh.
xox
I am worried about the cost of certain things. Dabbling is fine, but if they decide to really pursue any one activity it could get expensive fast. Mila’s obsession with horseback riding had me REAL worried but she hasn’t brought it up in ages so maybe I’m off the hook.
When I was growing up in the late 60’s and through the 70’s we played OUTSIDE! It would just have killed us to sit inside all day! So, my fav things were playing in the woods, climbing trees(oh, my god she climbed trees!! Call 911!!), making forts or playhouses, playing games like: Dodgeball( yes we all got smacked in the head a few times!), Woofle Ball,Baseball, Frisbie Tag, Hide and go seek…… And only if it was Storming outside would we play inside!! Then we played house, Barbies(J.I. Joe got my Barbie!! She hated Jen!! Oops Ken!!.. Pardon my slip!) Played School, Grocery store…….
All in all I think growing up when I did was a heck of a lot more fun! We were out in the fresh air, we used our imaginations on a constant basis and we “Discovered” the world around us. Wow what a concept!!
Don’t worry: my kids get plenty of unstructured play time and love riding their bikes, digging in the sandbox, and all kinds of other crazy shenanigans…as long as it’s not a million degrees outside. Summers here make it hard to spend too much time outside, and spending too much time indoors makes us all stir crazy. Swimming lessons and dance class it is!
Don’t worry: my kids get plenty of unstructured play time and love riding their bikes, digging in the sandbox, and all kinds of other crazy shenanigans beach head 2002
I let my kid enroll in music and dance classes every summer. This is to maximize their time for the vacation, it also helps them to enrich there personality and boost their confidence. It helps a lot which I recommend to other parents there aswell