Amelia: 123 weeks & Margot: 25 weeks
Mila has been facing some interesting challenges since Margot was born.
For a while, she had nightmares or night terrors about 45 minutes into her naps. I was at my wits’ end, trying to soothe a child who seemingly could not be comforted, and get her to sleep enough during the day so she wouldn’t be a heinous hellbeast all afternoon…all while unsuccessfully trying to feed Margot and protect her naps too.
Then she went through a phase where she was purposely hurting people so she could apologize. That was baffling, and more than a little irritating. Or she would be mildly defiant and, when we didn’t react the way she thought we should, her mild defiance would turn into a full-blown meltdown.
Then she stopped sleeping during the day entirely. Every time someone would even hint at napping or sleeping or even just laying down, she would scream, “I DON’T TAKE NAPS!!!” And most of the time, she didn’t. When she did, though, she’d sleep for like three hours, so I knew she still needed the rest. She just refused to admit it.
Somewhere in there, she stopped eating. I mean, obviously she was getting some food and drink in her, since I was still changing her diapers and, you know, she didn’t die, but it wasn’t enough. Her eyes were hollow and I could see her ribs.
And that’s not even the half of it. Needless to say, the last few months have been rough for all of us. When Mila is tired and hungry, she turns into a gremlin. She keeps Margot from sleeping, which makes her grumpy, which in turn makes me grumpy, which in turn makes David grumpy.With all the other stressors we’re dealing with (Margot’s screaming, David’s work, my work, a house that can’t seem to clean or renovate itself for some reason, just to name a few) we’re kind of riding the ragged edge these days.
She’s a sweet kid. She’s smart and funny and weird and I truly can’t get enough of her. But even as we solve some problems–most of the ones I’ve mentioned aren’t issues anymore–new ones pop up. We still have too many power struggles, and she throws plenty of tantrums, and there are moments when I am so frustrated I want to spank her little bum just to give her a “real” reason to cry. I forget sometimes that she’s still only two; I can only expect so much from her.
Why am I even telling you this? It’s a little embarrassing, even if it is the truth. Thing is, I want to remember–and I think you should know–that even when you have the most well-behaved, precious kid in the world, being a mom is hard. It’s a constant struggle to get to know my child, and I will probably never stop trying to figure out what is best for her based on her individual temperament and specific needs. I have to reassess the way I do things ALL THE TIME.
And honestly, I will probably never get it 100% right. Mila may will probably continue to have days when she freaks out for no good reason, and there’s not a thing I can do differently to prevent it. Margot, bless her chubby heart, will likely be an entirely different beast with her own set of challenges. Children have brain damage, y’all. But while I may not be able to fix everything, I can still try to fix what I can. And I intend to.
Holy…. So I picked up the mommy gig recently. I have not birthed children or struggled with little ones (the munchkins are 11 now ive had em since 9) but holy geeze did I need to read this today. Kids ARE hard. supporting them and knowing how to help them grow and become their own selves and find their identiy as a human is cray and while doing that we try to figure out good meals for them to eat and keep their clothes clean and our own heads on in the process. I have a post coming soon (that has been written for months but im a little weirded out to publish it) that is totally in line with this and I heart you for posting and being a real (awesome) human. I admire you and your mommy skills and am glad youre in my life. Yeah, thats all 🙂
Can't wait to read your take on the parenting-is-hard issue! And also I'm glad you're in my life. Thanks for being so great.
I am sorry! I am a little worried that my independent child that I have always had will turn into a needy clingy little munchkin once her brother is born! She is already started tantrums that come from mom throwing away a empty diaper box that she didn't realize was in her closet till I pulled it out too…. wanting to wear her dad's backpack as he is walking out the door with it headed to class! Terrible 2 tantrums I think as totally real! But they can last from 1 year to 8 years old! So not cool! I love you! You are an amazing mom and I look up to you in so many ways! Keep up the good work!
Seriously, what is with kids wanting to keep all the stuff they didn't know they had until you try to get rid of it??? Ugh. I love you too, dear, and look up to you as well. You do such a great job.
You just put into words the last six months of my life. No joke. I totally understand and feel your pain. And I gave in this morning to the temptation to smack my toddler's bum. Turns out it doesn't help at all and he was sad and I was sad and guilty and I had say sorry. Yeah, I knew that already too. So yes, just keep hanging in there. We potty trained this weekend and he was ready and is doing it and I can't tell you what a relief something so simple is. Good things will come!
Yeah…the universal sadness and guilt applies when I avoid spanking and yell instead. Sigh. It will get better. It always does. Meanwhile, congrats on the potty training success!
I laughed out loud when I read that sentence about children and brain damage… haha! Totally know what you mean. I may not have a kid yet (per se), but having 10 kids in my family and spending many years in child care has exposed me to lots of them, and they are weird little humans sometimes. I have to sympathize with Mila since I turn into a gremlin when I'm hungry too… Bless my poor husband.
Anyway… loved the honesty of this post. I don't think there is a more difficult job in the world, but if anyone can do it you can! You're awesome! 🙂
Oh, she totally comes by the gremlinitude honestly. David's hanger is awful, but mine can be just as bad. If I'm learning anything, it's that we all need to eat way more often than we think we do!
Amen. Amen. Love you and hang in there.
Love you too.
So glad you wrote this. I think one of the biggest things we mothers need is to know that our children are not the only ones who act like crazy demons (not that Mila is a crazy demon) and we are not the only ones who think we might actually go insane if this lasts one more minute and ohmygosh it's only 9 AM.
I think the biggest shock for me as my children got older was watching my sweet, darling, adorable babies turn into actual people who had totally different priorities than I do. Sometimes I would look at their baby pictures to remind myself that yes, I did indeed love this child as an infant and somehow I would find the strength to love them again today.
So now that I'm a few years down the road, I can tell you this–you will survive age 2. And three is awesome. And four is hills and valleys. Five is delightful. Six is awful, and seven isn't much better, but eight (so far) totally makes up for the previous two years. One day at a time, my dear…and you are doing a FABULOUS job at what is literally the hardest job ever.
Funny you'd say that. I have a friend who told me she loves two, hates three, and thinks four is the best age ever. I guess it's different for every parent…and probably for every kid. Still, it helps to know that they change and grow up and eventually we'll get past this.
Oh, and just a note of commiseration–Luke has been doing a similar sort of thing where he whacks someone/spills something/random act of naughtiness and then smiles angelically and says, "Imma good boy!!" Sort of a preemptive defense, but boy, as soon as I hear him telling someone that he's a good boy, I know it's crisis time.
And if I could kiss Margot's darling chubby cheeks through the screen, I totally would. Please squish them for me.
I just love this. That is all.
Thanks/you're welcome. 🙂