In the vein of Grace’s “Simon Says” posts, here are a few things that husband-o’-mine has said over the last couple months. It’s a wonder my eyes haven’t gotten stuck in the back of my head from all the rolling they do. How I love that big weirdo.
*
“I would hate to live next to a snake charming
school. You get those first year snake charmers who can’t control their
animals, and the snakes just run away, and then what?”
*
He sang in falsetto: “Tubby time!”
So I finished with: “…in the LBC!”
He responded: “They should have tubby time in the LBC. Those kids are gross.”
*
After I mentioned that I should probably read some Russian novels like Crime and Punishment or something equally dense and depressing: “I could get you some Russian kids’ books. Like Putin Buys a Cat. DUDE WE SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE THAT BOOK.”
*
Upon listening to me read One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish to Mila, specifically this part:
We took a look. We saw a Nook. On his head he had a hook. On his hook he had a book. On his book was “How to Cook.” We saw him sit and try to cook. He took a look at the book on the hook. But a Nook can’t read, so a Nook can’t cook SO…what good to a Nook is a hook cook book?
“What is Dr. Seuss teaching our child? That it’s cool to make fun of illiterate hobos?”
*
Me: *making awkward noises while trying to get situated comfortably in bed*
Him: “Are you okay?”
Me: “Yeah. Just being a fat old man. You know, grunting and groaning and breathing heavily and smelling terrible.”
Him: “You don’t smell that terrible.”
Me: *laughing and dripping sarcasm* “Well, thank you, dear. I feel so much better now.”
Him: “Let me rephrase that… No, I’m just gonna roll over and go to sleep now.”
K this is hilarious! Haha. I always tell my husband (Jake) that I want to write a book called "Jake Logic" and include all his weird explanations for things (he has many).
Please do! Husbands say the weirdest stuff sometimes and it cracks me up.