Ugh. It is so hard to blog right now.
It’s not for lack of ideas. I’ve got at least a dozen drafts started and a handful of photos for posts that I haven’t yet drafted. My editorial calendar is full to the brim, but instead of writing, I keep pushing things to later dates. If I sat down with my laptop for any amount of time, I know I could be posting quality content five days a week.
But I don’t want to. Not sure why, but I really don’t.
Managing my time each day has become weirdly challenging. In some ways, having a school + nap schedule to work around has forced me to be more productive during the little scraps of time I have. Yet I frequently find myself wandering aimlessly around the house and getting nothing done at all. I dusted and rearranged the bookshelves in the living room, but there’s petrified watermelon on the floor under the dining table. I’m all caught up on laundry and paying bills, but I’ve got a pile of things at my front door that need to be returned/donated/given back to their rightful owners. The state of our house could be better but it could definitely be worse.
Weird things keep giving me anxiety, which doesn’t help. It’s like my brain is being INCREDIBLY selective about what it will and will not allow me to do. Meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking feel impossible, which is ludicrous because I usually love all things to do with food. I’ve had to temporarily delete Snapchat and Twitter from my phone; they just stressed me out too much. We had a play date yesterday that was wild and loud and fun and I loved it, when usually that would make me shut down for the rest of the day. On the flip side, responding to text messages sometimes feels agonizing.
Since I’m not using my evenings to blog, David and I have been watching “Stranger Things” on Netflix. (Highly recommend, by the way. Especially if you’re a fan of stuff like ET and Goonies and X-Files and all those awesome 80’s cult classics.) I also started a new creative project on Instagram. I’m going through my pile of books-to-read at a much faster pace than usual…and if I can ever get it together I’ll share a new “What We’re Reading” post, because I have thoughts.
We are making plans to get some major house projects taken care of once the temps outside get below ninety thousand degrees. My little brother is getting married next month, so we’re shopping for new outfits and making travel arrangements. I’m exercising more. Not a lot, but more. Mila is practicing her reading and Margot is practicing her drawing and Ryan is practicing his goofy giggles.
Things are happening. Life is good. I just feel off-kilter.
Nothing is really wrong. I am out of sorts, though, and it’s annoying. The heat and humidity never helps.
It will pass. It always does. Maybe I should read through my archives and see if this is a pattern, if every August feels like the doldrums, and I need to suck it up and get through it. It’s possible I need to change something: increase or decrease my meds, wean the baby, something. I don’t know.
Meanwhile, I’m not going anywhere. I just maybe won’t check in as often.
It’s fine. I’m fine. It will pass.